Silent Night: Coping with a Carol

Silent Nightecard created by Grzegorz Łobiński for the EcardSphere project.

I got a text from my sister yesterday. She’d been in the public restroom with her three-year old for twenty minutes waiting for her to go pee, while my other niece decided to take advantage of her captive audience by misbehaving.

“Shoot me now!” she wrote.

“I wish I could,” I wrote back, “it would be the kindest thing.”

I went Christmas shopping yesterday too. Minus the toilet training, and with both my boys at the grandparents, you’d think I’d have an easy time of it.

Not so – Squirrel decided to take advantage of his captive audience by projecting all his seasonal angst on me.

Apparently, I’m doing this whole Christmas shopping thing wrong. Who knew?

I endured that lecture all the way to the parking lot of the first store where I suggested he might want to drop me off so he didn’t have to personally witness my deeply flawed shopping routine.

So when he returned only a few moments later, I did what any wife in my situation would do. I hid in aisle and made him come find me.

When he discovered me a few minutes later in the hardware section staring at a wall of mops and brooms, I was afraid we were going to have to go through the whole “focused shopping” lecture again. But instead he handed me a dark chocolate rosemary sea salt cookie. Turns out he’d gone to my favourite bakery to clear his head and ended up purchasing this much welcomed peace-offering.

Things went pretty well after that, we managed to complete our shopping and get home without too much squabbling, but when we pulled into the driveway, things took a turn for the worse.

For some reason, Squirrel took great exception to the fact that I had three sets of car keys in my purse.

That sparked a whole lecture on always putting my things away in the same place so I didn’t have to steal his keys. It went on and on and on and when it reached its most fevered pitched, I did what any sane person in my situation would do. I broke into a highly enthusiastic version of “Silent Night” – all six verses, making sure to miss all the high notes.

Who knew that would be so effective?

Slee-eeep in heavenly pee-eeeeace! Slee-eeep in heavenly peace!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

how some young guy in Starbuck’s just became part of my parenting plan

img. c/o The Retronaut on flickr

So, I was in Starbuck’s this morning ordering a Grande Pike Place and chatting with anyone who will listen as per my usual custom. But when I lidded up and turned to go, I practically collided with a young guy who seemed to be attempting to exit the double doors of the bathroom and the cafe in the very same stride.

(If you frequent the Whistler Starbuck’s you’ll know exactly what I mean.)

I imagine he was late for work or whatever young men are late for these days. He was perfectly nice though, in fact, he looked as if the last thing he wanted to do was cut off some lady in a faux fur coat with an enormous coffee.

“Sorry,” he said, as he pirouetted in front of me to graciously hold the door for the entire time it took for me, my shopping and my grande coffee to pass through.

“What a nice young guy,” I thought.

Note to self: teach boys manners, better yet – teach them manners and how to recover them with grace when things go wrong.

my brain, iBrain

Squirrel and I made the switch from PC to Mac ten years ago. Around about the time I opened an e-mail promising nude photos of a male colleague.

“Kavis Warlaga – Nude!” was the last thing I read before crashing our computer for, in Squirrel’s words, “the last f-ing time!”

Our marriage survived, but Bill Gates was banished from our home forever.

Or, so I thought.

My new job requires that I logon remotely to the office PC. “No, problem,” I said, then devoted an entire weekend to trying to reconcile that square peg with the round hole of my MacBook Pro.

A job that took the office tech 48 seconds on the following Monday.

“The business world still runs on PC’s,” he said as the blue screen flooded the monitor accompanied by this bone chilling sound:

As much as I wanted to take issue with his comment, he’d confided in me that his girlfriend is a Mac tech, so I knew that battle was being fought hard already.

Besides, I was grateful to be up and running, which, as it turned out, was more like crawling.

I’d so thoroughly trained my brain out of right clicking that I was like an infant discovering the world for the very first time.

One click, two clicks, left click, right click.

One click, two clicks, left click, right click.

Drop down, double click, scroll left, scroll right.

I’ve only just managed to compose a 15 min. e-mail in under two hours.

Needless to say, I’m not quite up to speed yet.

Are you team Steve, or team Bill, or do you like to keep it interesting for yourself and dabble in a bit of both?